


Thirteenth Step, The

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Children, Drama, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-27
Updated: 2006-09-27
Packaged: 2019-05-31 07:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15114794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "I heard you hate me.  Don't I at least deserve to know why?"





	Thirteenth Step, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Charlie piled more clothes on her mother’s arm as they walked through The Gap. It was a sunny but chilly late September afternoon and the McGarry girls were on their own. CJ felt she needed to spend some time with Charlie; something was not right with her little girl. More often then not these days, when CJ tried to talk to her she would get little or nothing. This was rare because the youngest McGarry usually talked a mile a minute…she had no problem holding up the whole conversation. With her father, Charlie was even worse. She was either silent or cross. Her mother wanted to get to the bottom of this behavior.

“What about this one?” Charlie held up a sparkling silver shirt.

“I don’t think so sweetie. It’s a bit mature for you.”

“Aw, c’mon mom; I hardly got sprouts over here.” She pointed to her chest. “I promise to wear my sweater with it. I super promise.”

CJ chewed on the inside of her lip and then smiled. Charlie had the most hopeful look in her hazel eyes…she looked just like her father.

“On one condition.” CJ said.

“Anything.”

“Don’t let your father see it.”

“Not a problem.”

She threw it in the pile and turned away. Her mother followed, with Bill, Sylvie, Lucy, and Pete pulling up the rear. CJ did not think they needed four Secret Service agents to shop, but New York was a big, scary place; Bill was following all procedures.

“Charlie?”

“Huh? We’re done here I think. How about shoes?”

“I want to talk to you.” CJ said.

“’Bout what? C’mon, lets go to the register. You would think this is the only Gap in town for as crowded as it is.”

“Stop moving for five minutes and talk to me.”

Charlie looked at her mother, taking the mound of clothing from her arms.

“There is nothing to talk about mom. Except that I need shoes.”

“You don’t need anything except to talk to me.”

They walked to the register but did not speak. CJ pulled out her platinum MasterCard and paid. They were outside before she tried again.

“Charlie, seriously I want to know what is going on with you.”

“I don’t want to talk mom, OK?”

“Not OK.”

“Mrs. McGarry, we don’t need to be standing in the middle of the street.” Lucy said.

“Give me a moment.” CJ snapped. “Charlie lets get some food and we can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” she exclaimed. “Is this how it is going to be now? He pushes you around and you push me around.”

“Who pushes me around? What are you talking about?”

“Daddy. He yells, and he screams. He slaps you around.”

CJ turned to look at Bill, horror in her eyes. Is this what her daughter thought? The Secret Service agent didn’t let his mask slip.

“Charlie, your father has never laid a hand on me. What has gotten into you?”

“I hate him! I hate the way he treats us and I hate that you let him.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Don’t say anything; that has been going really well. Just leave me the hell alone!”

She broke into a sprint and Lucy took off after her.

“Bill? Is Lucy going to catch her?”

“She was an All-American in the 400 and 800 meters.” He replied.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” tears brimmed in her eyes. “My daughter just ran away from me.”

“I know ma'am.” He put his arms around her waist. “Please get in the car.”

Nodding, CJ took a deep breath and got in the SUV. They pulled away from the curb.

***

CJ walked into her foyer 90 minutes later, followed by Sylvie. The trusted agent dropped the barrage of bags in front of the closet and went back outside.

“Anybody home?”

It surprised CJ that Winston did not come to meet her at the door.

“Hey there.” Leo came out of the kitchen, kissing her lips. “I was just going to make chicken parmigiana for dinner. What happened today?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Charlie came flying in here like a bat out of hell about an hour ago. She didn’t have anything to say to me but that’s nothing new.”

“I don’t know OK?”

“You were together this afternoon. What happened CJ? Oh my God, did she run away from you? The Secret Service let our daughter run away!”

“Stop it Leo! I have a lot going on right now and I don’t need you coming down on everyone!”

“Hey, hey, I wasn’t coming down on anyone.” Leo took hold her hand. “Did you two have a fight?”

“I don’t know I just need to talk to her. Where’s Tim?”

“He wanted to walk the dog and then he is going to be working on school stuff. I better start dinner.”

CJ leaned to kiss him before heading to Charlie’s room. She went up the seven stairs and down to the end of the hallway. She walked in without knocking.

“Hey! You have no right to barge in on me like that!”

“I pay the mortgage here and I will enter any room I feel like it.” she cringed as that sounded like something her father would have said.

“He pays the mortgage, not you.”

“Charlotte Louise McGarry, what the hell is the matter with you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She started to cry and it broke CJ’s heart. “Nothing I say will change anything. You're always going to side with him, no matter what.”

“He is your father.” CJ sat on the side of the bed and took Charlie’s face in her hands. “You said you hated him. Why should you say something like that?”

“Mom, he treats you anyway he feels like it and you let him. I've seen it with my own eyes.”

“Charlie, your father and I have a very complex relationship and…”

“Mom!”

“Let me finish.”

Charlie sighed loudly but gave her mother the floor.

“Marriages are hard sweetie. It is a fulltime job and you still have so many other things to do. Couples will fight, and scream…they may even hurt each other in anger. That doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. I know it sounds incomprehensible, but you're young and you're not going to understand everything.”

“Why would he ever yell at you? You do everything for him. You work and you come home and take care of all of us. What right does he have to be angry with you? What right does he have to hit you?”

“Where are you getting this from? Leo has never hit me, not once, EVER. I swear to you.”

“Then what was all the noise that night? He was screaming at you and then there was all this noise and you ran from him mommy.”

CJ took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair.

“He knocked everything off the dresser.” She said. “Your father was angry and he knocked all the things off the dresser. It was a bad fight; I cannot pretend it wasn’t. We made up because we love each other and talked it out.”

Charlie was quiet for a while and her mother had no idea if she was getting through to her.

“Pumpkin?”

“What was the fight about? Why did he get so angry?”

“Everyone loses their temper sometimes. The fight started over something stupid and it just escalated. Just like when you and Tim almost came to blows over the XBox.”

“Well I don’t screw Tim.”

“Charlotte!”

“Its true.”

“I should hope so.”

“This is serious!” she exclaimed, jumping off her bed.

“I am certainly not making light of it. You are 12 years old, and you are not going to be able to understand all the details of an adult relationship. But I can tell you this, your father and I love you very much.”

“Are you guys staying together just for Tim and I? Georgia’s parents are doing that and it sucks.”

“Leo and I are together because we can't stand to be apart. I believe it was you who said we were co-dependent. The love we have for each other is why you exist Charlie. There will be fights, arguments, and disagreements…hopefully not as many as there used to be. Please don’t hate your father; it would kill him if he knew.”

“He won't mind.” She muttered. “As long as he has Tim.”

CJ closed her eyes; she was getting nowhere.

“I hate that you feel this way sweetie. You know that I hurt when you do. Come out and have dinner with us in a little while.”

“I'm not hungry. Can I just be alone now?”

“Yeah.” She kissed the top of her head. “I love you Charlie.”

“Me too mom.”

CJ found Leo in the kitchen draining rotini as Winston stood eagerly at his feet.

“Its just you and I for dinner tonight.” She said.

“Why? Isn’t Charlie feeling well?”

He put the rotini in the pot as CJ set the table.

“We need to have an important conversation Leo. Maybe one of the most important we have ever had.”

“What's the matter with Charlie?” Leo asked. “Did someone hurt her?”

“Yeah.” CJ nodded.

“Oh my God, who? Who would hurt our little girl? They are supposed to be protecting her.”

“You Leo.”

“Me? I haven’t…she is not even speaking to me right now.”

“Haven't you wondered why?” CJ asked.

“I figured it was puberty. Mallory went through the same thing.”

“Charlie is not Mallory. Do you even talk to her Leo?”

“I tried and I got nowhere. Last week I asked her to watch a movie with Tim and I and she had her brother report back to me that she was busy.”

“Well she thinks you are a son of a bitch who doesn’t love her, and who mistreats me.”

They both sat at the table and started dinner.

“Do you think she’s right?” he asked.

“Leo, I love you. Don’t make this about yourself. It doesn’t matter if she is right or way off base. All that matters is she feels this. I was her age and I had a hands-off father. It is still obvious today and I don't want Charlie going through what I went through. You have to talk to her…this isn’t going to smooth over.”

“I don’t want to hurt her anymore.”

“In April we had the worse fight of our marriage, and our kids witnessed it. We recovered but we never talked to them about it.”

“Tim is fine; I talked to him about it.”

“Do you hear yourself? Why didn’t you talk to Charlie?”

“I thought you would. Moms do that kind of thing.”

“It is not 1956.” She said through clenched teeth. “We both have to be active parents. When our little girl asks me why I stay with a man who hits me, we have a problem.”

“I have never hit you, why would she think that?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“You're damn right I will.” He said.

“Don’t you dare go in there angry at her. She is a little girl. For all the information that she absorbs and all the books that she reads, she is only 12 years old. She needs her mom and dad now more than ever. Eat your dinner before it gets cold.”

Leo nodded, though his appetite was non-existent. When did all of this happen? Had he really been neglecting his family, his daughter, that much? He never thought he would make the same mistake twice and here he was. How was he going to get out of this hole?

***

There was no point in trying to focus on the Michigan game, so at 10 o’clock Leo went up to Charlie’s room. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She invited him in with no enthusiasm at all. Leo was surprised to see Tim relaxing on her bed too.

“Hey kiddo.”

“Are you talking to him or me?” Charlie asked. “Were you looking for Tim?”

“No. Tim, why don’t you…?”

“Sure. Later Chuck.”

“Bye.” He left, closing the door behind him.

Charlie didn’t look up from Seventeen Magazine. Leo couldn’t believe it was still in publication… Mallory used it decades ago to ignore him too.

“I want to talk to you Charlie.”

“Why?” she turned a page.

“Because I am your father and I can do that.”

“So mom ran to you with all of my problems. Today it is hating you; tomorrow, drugs, sex and alcohol.”

“You mother is concerned. Get the chip off your shoulder.”

“Bite my chip.”

“Watch your mouth!”

“I don’t want to talk to you, you don’t want to talk to me, so just leave me alone.”

Leo took another deep breath, trying to defeat the urge to rip the magazine from her hands and slap her across her smart mouth. He had never hit any of his children. He would not start now when he was angry.

“Look dad, I know you have better things to do like pet the dog or hang with Tim. You don’t have to struggle to talk to me.”

“I heard you hate me. Don't I at least deserve to know why?”

“Because.”

“Ah, the famous because. Charlie, your mom and I, our family, has been through some struggles. I may have…I overlooked how it affected you and your brother.”

“You never overlook Tim.” She replied.

“Charlie…”

“I don’t want to talk to you. Please allow me my right to remain silent.”

Leo reminded her that she was not under arrest. Charlie muttered that it felt like she was. Next, she would be lawyering up.

“I am thinking I have not been that good of a father to you.”

“Wow dad, what clued you in?”

“You and your mom. I don’t even know if I could make you understand how much you mean to me. I was there when you were born; bet you didn’t know I missed your brother’s birth by a few hours. I cut your cord and was the first human to hold you. You are my baby girl.”

“Good speech.”

“What can I do? Do you think I like the idea of you hating me? It hurts my heart, and mom’s too.”

“Don’t bring her into this. She has enough to deal with. I'm not talking anymore.”

“Fine. We’ll just sit in silence because I'm not leaving.”

“Whatever.”

They sat for a half hour without speaking. Charlie leafed through the fall fashions while Leo committed to memory what her room looked like. She definitely inherited her mom’s sloppy side. Clothes and accessories were strewn everywhere and Leo noticed the faint smell of nail polish. There were movie posters and musicians on her wall that her father didn’t recognize. Her screen saver was a picture of Kate Winslet in Heavenly Creatures. Leo only knew that because he and CJ watched the movie one night when he couldn’t sleep. He did know she was Charlie’s favorite actress; the one she inspired to be. There was a tap on the door and CJ stuck her head in.

“Bedtime Charlie. I…oh, I didn’t know you and your dad were talking.”

“We’re not.” she looked at Leo. “Its bedtime, so if you don’t mind I would like to sleep.”

Leo sighed, getting up and trying to touch her. Charlie refused.

“Lets go Leo.” CJ said.

They went to the bedroom; he watched his wife slide into bed.

“It didn’t go well.” He said.

“I gathered that. Just give her some space. At her age you have no idea what to do with anger. You remember that.”

Leo remembered he was not much older than Charlie was when he had his first drink. Trying to forget the sight of his mother covered in his father’s blood. The thought of her turning to alcohol made him shiver.

“She was so angry CJ. She must have gotten that from my side of the family because I felt like I was in the room with evil teenage Mallory.”

His wife snickered, reaching out to rub his back.

“This parenthood thing has its moments.” She replied.

“I don’t know what to do Claudia Jean.” He got up and started to undress. “She hates me and I have to…what if she’s right? No, she is right.”

“Then tell her that. Tell her that and fix it Leo.”

“I don’t know if she will listen to me and I don’t know if I can fix it.”

“Keep trying. That’s why I didn’t throw you out on your sorry ass ten years ago.”

Leo laughed, though he never wanted to think about how close he had come to losing her and the children. He put on his pajamas, got into bed, and kissed her.

“I love you baby.”

“Love you too. Do you want the light out or can I read?”

“Enjoy your book.” Leo closed his eyes and rubbed his dog’s head to relax.

CJ kissed him again and went back to her novel.

***

At 2:47 am, Leo flopped over on his back. CJ was sound asleep beside him, Winston resting close to her. The moonlight shone in and fell on her face. It made her look even more beautiful and Leo had to stop himself from touching her. He didn’t want to wake her. Getting out of bed, he walked down the hall to his daughter’s room. He went in, sat on the edge of her bed, and stroked her hair. Charlie stirred and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw her father.

“Holy…why are you standing over me?”

“Charlie, I…”

“What time is it?” she looked at her clock. “Jeez dad, is the house on fire?”

“I want to talk.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. Its like 3 in the morning.”

“I'm not a good father to you.”

“Huh?”

“You have every right to hate me, but I'm asking for another chance.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you. I left politics, and the White House behind so I could be the man my family needed. I failed and that kills me; it kills me even more that you don’t love me.”

“Dad, can we please talk about this in the morning? I promise to listen if you just let me sleep.”

“I just want to tell you I am going to take more time with you Charlie. We will do things together, and talk. Just daddy-daughter time.”

“I don’t want that. You don’t carve out time for Tim, or even mom. They are just a part of the natural thread of your life…even Winston is. I don't feel like I am.”

“Well you are.”

“You never show it daddy.”

“I will. It is hard for me Charlie, I think I told you before that…”

“That is not good enough anymore. I want a dad; you're here and I want a dad.”

“Yeah.”

“So, lets negotiate.” She sat up in bed, pushing white blonde wisps from her forehead.

“What?”

“Isn't that what politicians do?” Charlie asked.

“I guess it is, but we are not politicians. How about we just talk? I haven’t been what I should be and I promise to work hard and be better.”

“I promise to give you the opportunity to try. I also promise to call you on it when you're not.” she said.

“Nicely, of course. No more hating me.”

“OK.”

“I'm not done yet.”

“This is an awful lot of rules for the person not in the wrong.”

“They are not rules. I was just going to say that you can always talk to your mom and I. If you feel something, let us know. Don’t hold it in Charlie cuz we love you and we want to know.”

“OK. Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Yeah.” Leo leaned and kissed her face. “I love you.”

“I love you too daddy. Can I just ask one more thing?”

“Yeah.”

“What caused that fight? Why were you so angry at mom?”

“Jealousy. It is ugly and it brings out the ugly side of people.”

“Jealousy over what?” she asked.

“Charlie…”

“Dad, you want me to talk to you, and you won't do the same. Please.”

Leo looked at her and stroked her face.

“There was a man who worked with your mother. He had a crush on her. He made a pass at her and I reacted badly.”

“What's a pass? Did he kiss her?”

“Yeah.”

“You blamed her? How could you do that dad?”

“It was so complicated Charlie. This man was charming, handsome and young, like her. He made me feel like I couldn’t offer your mother what he could and it made me so sad that I believed she felt the same way.”

Charlie nodded, not quite understanding but getting the idea. Her father thought her mother would leave him for another man.

“How could you be so dumb?”

“Good question. Grownups have their moments where they are dumb too. I'm lucky she forgave me.”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, go to sleep kid.” Leo pinched her cheek and headed for the door.

“Daddy, what do you think about me dying my hair red? It will wash out in 24 shampoos.”

“I think that would be something better discussed with mom. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Leo went back to the bedroom, climbing between the sheets. CJ turned over and wrapped her arms around him.

“Where were you?” she asked.

“I needed to talk to Charlie. I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Did it go well?”

“It did. I think I am going to be able to sleep just fine now. We had a very nice talk.”

“Good.” She kissed his neck. “Goodnight honey.”

“Claudia Jean?”

“Hmm?”

“I had to tell her the truth; I told her about James Dailey.”

“What? What did you tell her?”

“Calm down. an abridged version of the truth, but the truth nonetheless. She needed to know; she couldn’t forgive me if she didn’t know what happened.”

“What does abridged mean?” CJ asked.

“I told her my stupid jealousies were the reason the fight happened and I begged your forgiveness.”

“OK.”

“Do you think I can do this? Do you think I can be a decent father to my kids and a good husband?”

“Yes. It is not something we are born with; I don’t care what TV says. We hit so many walls and speed bumps. Even the most wonderful parents can have horrible kids and vice versa. It is hard work, a lot of faith, and plenty of elbow grease. When we make a mistake, it has to be fixed. But there is an up side.”

“I'm waiting for it.” he said with a smirk.

“We get to do it together.”

Leo nodded, squeezing her hands.

“That is a definite up side. I think I can sleep now. Its going to be OK.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Leo relaxed, and with CJ’s arms around him, he was able to let go and fall asleep. Tomorrow he would be starting all over again…it would not be the first time. He hoped it would be the last and things would finally be right. So much depended on it.

***


End file.
